Disney is Brainwashing Children

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIAQVLo3cePHpm-JFQ_dBki8kEbSGeoEITJPKO3EhzWkM-pLu-Ua5PghH9oJhqnL8hForJULbykbAlW1mgqbcBRN0lHinC9CBWp_d0woVWCHPyo4OFUx_yrItXBvjSQAMCFeKoKpyX66xJ/s1600/kid-disney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIAQVLo3cePHpm-JFQ_dBki8kEbSGeoEITJPKO3EhzWkM-pLu-Ua5PghH9oJhqnL8hForJULbykbAlW1mgqbcBRN0lHinC9CBWp_d0woVWCHPyo4OFUx_yrItXBvjSQAMCFeKoKpyX66xJ/s640/kid-disney.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />ORLANDO, FL—With The Walt Disney Company’s 100 year anniversary only a few short years away, it’s inevitable that they’ll end up controlling America’s children. In fact, studies performed by the Child Psychology Group (CPG) have found that children between the ages of 5 and 13 are 82% more likely to own a Disney related item than teenagers in similar households. It doesn’t help that Disney is a multibillion dollar company: history has shown that groups with a lot of money also hold a lot of power. The CPG has estimated that by the year 2025, over 96% of children will own some sort of Disney-related item, whether it be a toy or a movie. To top it all off, the CPG have been performing studies on various Disney items, and they found some disturbing evidence. “Upon inspection of Mickey Mouse ears, we’ve found a mind control chip capable of controlling the wearer <i>and </i>surrounding children. We urge all parents to destroy any Disney-related item immediately.” That sounds pretty terrifying, and you’re probably wondering why this news hasn’t been published elsewhere. It has been, but Disney promptly sweeps away any negative article and opens a new Walt Disney World in that location. Eventually, Disney will flip a go-crazy switch and America’s children will take over the world. How’s that for a real-life fairy tale? <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o fa-lg"></i>

Disney is Brainwashing Children

ORLANDO, FL—With The Walt Disney Company’s 100 year anniversary only a few short years away, it’s inevitable that they’ll end up controlling America’s children. In fact, studies performed by the Child…

Read more »

Child Ignores Parents’ Curfew

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlg-GRhHMjOAFylz1I7_oZye2w8yUt3NZf9t_XRoR3piOAUFfNlKeepTeIY_20E-RquKzdty3RGgkUo8egUS1zeQ_pw63cl9JuR9R-D7i5bcAQomu27x6woUUSGKIaxXP7qh4n990bk1lo/s1600/angry-child-boy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlg-GRhHMjOAFylz1I7_oZye2w8yUt3NZf9t_XRoR3piOAUFfNlKeepTeIY_20E-RquKzdty3RGgkUo8egUS1zeQ_pw63cl9JuR9R-D7i5bcAQomu27x6woUUSGKIaxXP7qh4n990bk1lo/s640/angry-child-boy.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />SAINT PAUL, MN—A young child has disobeyed his parents’ curfew for him. The young boy, named Elliot Warner, was “five minutes late” according to his parents, David and Jill Warner. “We’re very disappointed with our son. He has never stayed out past curfew, not even for his friend’s birthday party.” As punishment, Elliot must go without television and video games for a week. “This is his first offense. If he does it again, the punishment will only be worse. He has been acting up a lot lately, though.” He told his parents that he wanted to buy some Juicy Fruit gum at his corner store, but he had to wait in line. “It doesn’t matter that he was late because of a line. He should have calculated the time it took per person to come to the conclusion that he would be late if he waited in line.” Our best wishes to both Elliot and his parents. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o fa-lg"></i>

Child Ignores Parents’ Curfew

SAINT PAUL, MN—A young child has disobeyed his parents’ curfew for him. The young boy, named Elliot Warner, was “five minutes late” according to his parents, David and Jill Warner. “We’re very disappo…

Read more »

Dangerous Chemical Identified

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnMqkVitRnY6VQr9hC6ruWDH-wuDCWKvfkDXTS2-DBCgn6UsEeMkV6i4MQ1-13-XhacAv0WyXl2yBCJHSoXvJeomkH4GE-VQrcel6pwvr_zcxkWbs1Rg4Iswnk8RtiILO-Wb4EB-RxpYMo/s1600/17218_water.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnMqkVitRnY6VQr9hC6ruWDH-wuDCWKvfkDXTS2-DBCgn6UsEeMkV6i4MQ1-13-XhacAv0WyXl2yBCJHSoXvJeomkH4GE-VQrcel6pwvr_zcxkWbs1Rg4Iswnk8RtiILO-Wb4EB-RxpYMo/s640/17218_water.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />LAS CRUCES, NM—Scientists at the Physical Science Lab at the University of New Mexico have recently identified a dangerous new chemical. Its chemical name is Dihydrogen monoxide, and they warn the public to stay far away from it. If inhaled, your lungs will be unable to absorb oxygen, which can be deadly. In addition, prolonged exposure to the substance can cause severe tissue damage. It also does a really good job at cleaning your skin from dirt and grime. Do you really want to be ingesting a substance like that? The scientists warn that this substance is commonly found throughout Earth, so if you see it, be sure to steer clear. The scientists also say they hope to convert mass quantities of the substance into safe, drinkable H₂O. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o fa-lg"></i><br /><a href="http://www.dhmo.org/facts.html" target="_blank">Learn more about Dihydrogen monoxide here <i class="fa fa-arrow-right"></i></a>

Dangerous Chemical Identified

LAS CRUCES, NM—Scientists at the Physical Science Lab at the University of New Mexico have recently identified a dangerous new chemical. Its chemical name is Dihydrogen monoxide, and they warn the pub…

Read more »

Twitter Announces Free Birds for Everyone

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc6mN-770yogNM6mK9d7fNnCG0IP0UYz3u4nTwiWZ6mlt6Z5Z7IoeRHk_VjqmUfI2_YW5sevP6gz3hoOu1w3agDSuuktKdoQqVaVzM7y-eBXIGvDqUSvcP7h2wPuveV9AT0l9fXRf4adYx/s1600/Old_woman_feeding_birds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc6mN-770yogNM6mK9d7fNnCG0IP0UYz3u4nTwiWZ6mlt6Z5Z7IoeRHk_VjqmUfI2_YW5sevP6gz3hoOu1w3agDSuuktKdoQqVaVzM7y-eBXIGvDqUSvcP7h2wPuveV9AT0l9fXRf4adYx/s640/Old_woman_feeding_birds.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter, a major social networking platform, announced that they will be providing free birds for everyone who signs up after August 1^st of this year. Twitter co-founder, Ev Williams, stated that, “People who own birds seem happier than those who don’t. Since our logo is a bird, we feel it’s necessary to give a free bird to anybody who signs up. We’re currently in the process of gathering up as many birds as we can before August 1^st.” It’s a kind gesture on Twitter’s part, but there is more to the story. Time and time again, Facebook tops most all social networking. Twitter feels a new reigning champion should be crowned—one that gives birds away for free. If their plan works, it’s likely that they will see their member count rise far beyond what Facebook could ever achieve. Unfortunately, in order to receive a bird, you must <i>sign up</i> after August 1^st, so accounts that are already active will not be eligible to receive a bird. However, you are free to create a new account. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o fa-lg"></i>

Twitter Announces Free Birds for Everyone

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter, a major social networking platform, announced that they will be providing free birds for everyone who signs up after August 1st of this year. Twitter co-founder, Ev Williams…

Read more »

Cure for the Common Cold Discovered

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWINzStikOZx9ppfLMZTNWzZCZeD6zSVJwk1kvvGG2eZDUYIsLNUgKcw8dsVWCLWv9zM5jnIvxdDvOWh3ic9fJQUtAvttf3yfKXL2CQELnpqBQtEBYT3qPStklo3j_XEob7DIiLjiNdhYH/s1600/3d-virus-1920x1200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWINzStikOZx9ppfLMZTNWzZCZeD6zSVJwk1kvvGG2eZDUYIsLNUgKcw8dsVWCLWv9zM5jnIvxdDvOWh3ic9fJQUtAvttf3yfKXL2CQELnpqBQtEBYT3qPStklo3j_XEob7DIiLjiNdhYH/s640/3d-virus-1920x1200.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />PHILADELPHIA, PA—Scientists at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania have discovered a cure for the common cold, specifically the rhinovirus. There are many variations of the common cold virus which is why it’s so difficult to find a cure. Despite that fact, a cure has been found. The scientist leading the cure effort wishes to remain anonymous, just in case the cure turns out to be deadly. So far, it has only been tested on chimpanzees, and the first human to receive treatment will do so by the end of the week. He gave us a peek into the cure, and it’s by no means ordinary. To start, you must lay on your stomach, and use the trained monkey to stand on your back. It needs to be consuming a pickle—if not, the cure won’t work. After the chimp finishes his pickle, it will burp, and release chemicals that you must breathe in. Keep in mind, the chimp must consume the pickle supplied in the cure kit, otherwise you won’t be cured. After you breathe in the chimp burp, you must hold your breath for 25 seconds to fully absorb the cure. Of course, this is only a tiny snippet in the long cure process, but the scientist has made it clear he doesn’t want to give too much information away. With a cure for the common cold finally discovered, maybe we can find cures for more deadly viruses. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o fa-lg"></i>

Cure for the Common Cold Discovered

PHILADELPHIA, PA—Scientists at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania have discovered a cure for the common cold, specifically the rhinovirus. There are many variations of t…

Read more »

NASA Launching Mission to Sun

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuwbXrQR8X97fmNESbe_66pRSTOdym6i78wCaQhyphenhyphen54PqkkLKoekW1GM3npzjMrKhCNn70ONi4CSELAzX7f-vNQ76wyDybSGU9xPSZTN8nSlnmjbu0mvLSKoKqL_ODhQpiR-c7Jug86Nzs-/s1600/sun_3-wallpaper-2560x1600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuwbXrQR8X97fmNESbe_66pRSTOdym6i78wCaQhyphenhyphen54PqkkLKoekW1GM3npzjMrKhCNn70ONi4CSELAzX7f-vNQ76wyDybSGU9xPSZTN8nSlnmjbu0mvLSKoKqL_ODhQpiR-c7Jug86Nzs-/s640/sun_3-wallpaper-2560x1600.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />WASHINGTON D.C.—Charlie Bolden, the Administrator of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, announced today that NASA<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s next paramount mission is to send a vessel to the sun. “Over ten years ago, we launched the New Horizons spaceship to explore Pluto. Today, we<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>re proud to announce the Demolisher spaceship. It can withstand temperatures up to 30 million degrees fahrenheit, and all personnel inside will be completely shielded from its heat and solar radiation. This is a giant step for mankind,” Bolden announced during a press conference earlier today. Although it has been several years since the last groundbreaking mission, traveling to the sun doesn<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t come without its risks. For one, it<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s a massive star, and its surface temperatures can reach up to 27 million degrees fahrenheit. The Demolisher spaceship is rated to be able to withstand temperatures up to 30 million degrees fahrenheit, but it<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ll undoubtedly get a bit warm in the cockpit. To circumvent this, NASA has created new cooling technology that they nicknamed “unmeltable ice.” They packed the Demolisher spaceship<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s outer core with over one ton of the substance, and the ice can “withstand temperatures up to 15 million degrees.” While it isn<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t able to absorb all of the heat generated by the sun, modified heat reflectors on its outer chassis will reflect most of the heat back towards our massive star. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o fa-lg"></i>

NASA Launching Mission to Sun

WASHINGTON D.C.—Charlie Bolden, the Administrator of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, announced today that NASA’s next paramount mission is to send a vessel to the sun. “Over ten yea…

Read more »